Bug attack

Tonight I was attacked by a stink bug. No, this is not the beginning of a joke. I was sitting in the kitchen eating dinner and minding my own business, and I hear a really loud buzzing. So, we all look around to identify the buzzing, and as I had my back to the buzzing I get up and turn around to see where it’s coming from. And the buzzing thing flies at me. So, predictably, I yelp and scream and do the “I think a bug landed on me dance” for a minute as the Boy stares at me with amazement in his eyes, never having seen the aforementioned dance before as I’m generally really careful not to transmit my phobias to my kids. Really, my self control is amazing. But not tonight, tonight something landed on my head and despite the dance I kept hearing a buzz on or around my head, so I did the dance more vigorously and ran to the Husband so he could check me out and make sure I wasn’t carrying any stowaways, and having passed the check we all relaxed thinking that whatever it was had decided to move on to greener pastures. A few hours later, after having finished feeding the kids, and playing with them after dinner and bathing them and nursing the Girl and telling the Boy a story and putting them both to bed, and getting ready for bed myself, going back downstairs for dessert and back upstairs to bed, so just to reiterate the concept, a few hours had passed, I’m relaxing in bed with the computer and a nice show on tv (I was totally relaxed) and I hear a really loud buzzing, and a horrible green stink bug comes careening down at me like a WWII fighter plane. So I jump out of bed like a pole vaulter (without the pole) and run screaming to the bathroom. The Husband, serenely grabs a couple of squares of toilet paper, proceeds to pick up the bug with his hands and squishes it to death. And then he turns to me, and innocently says, you know, you probably had that in your hair this whole time. Thud. I fainted.

p.s. the bug in question is called a “cimice” in Italian, it’s green and it flies and it’s relatively small. It also stinks to high heaven when you kill it. The online dictionary translated it to bedbug. I’ve never seen a bedbug in the US so I don’t know if the translation is accurate. Suffice it to say that it’s a gross, ugly, stinky bug.

*** october 9th: amendment to this post - after lengthy research have found out that what I had originally (for those who read this when first posted) called a bedbug is actually a stink bug. Both of these horrible creatures belong to the same family, but wherein the stink bug is bright green, loud and relatively harmless apart from the stench when you kill it (unless you catch it in toilet paper, as the husband does, and then drown it down the toilet) his cousin, the bed bug, is smaller and actually bites. shudder.