I’ve been having a really hard time with this blog lately. When I first started it I debated for quite some time whether I wanted to tell the people I know about it because I felt I needed a place where I could speak my mind, including the unmentionables, in relative anonymity. But then my egomaniacal side got the best of me and I went and opened my big mouth and told all and sundry about my new blog that I was so excited about. So now I have nowhere to vent. Sigh. Though probably better this way cause it keeps me from writing something stupid, or that I’ll regret.
Anyway, back to the point of this post. I have writer’s block. So soon…. The main reason for it is that winter up and started and I was not prepared. Let me explain, basically, I’m making wrong associations. It got very cold here, it started snowing, the girl turned one, thanksgiving came and went and we’ve decorated the house for Christmas. Every day that passes, every minute, we’re inexorably moving closer to the day that our lives came crushing down around us and I’m scared.
It started snowing, and I started flipping out because of all the negative emotions that snow now evokes… awesome effect considering we live in a place where snow is not the exception to the rule come wintertime. So when it snows, my heart gets heavy, my breathing shallow and my stomach clenches, I have so much to look forward to since it generally stops snowing in April here. I have a million examples, yet none are all too interesting to read, it’s just, well, I have writer’s block. I don’t know what to say.
The husband and I are going to couple’s counseling because things between us are off kilter. I’m not going to say much more about this because, well, he may not want this stuff to be made public. All I will say is that we were off kilter before the leukemia, but I guess we both hoped that this illness, this shock, this journey we’re on together, whether we want to be or not, would realign us, would fix us, would make us realize what is really important in life. It didn’t. If anything it made things worst.
Typical. You would think we could possibly take some time and just enjoy life, our family and each other right now but fate is such as it is and the universe has an interesting sense of humor. So there you have it, we’re broken, I have writer’s block, so you’ll be reading some pretty erratic stuff on here for now. Bear with me. I’ll be back, and I’ll at least try to keep the nonsense funny!