As Christmas is coming closer and closer I’ve fallen under a strange spell. The craziness of the last few weeks, the couple’s therapy, the barely contained emotions over the one year mark from the Husband’s diagnosis, the children not sleeping for weeks now due to teeth, coughs and nerves, it’s all come to a head this week in the most unexpected of ways. Monday I almost cracked completely, and then I had one of those realizations of epic proportions, complete with celestial music and lighting. And this is what I decided (what I realized is for another post, when I figure out how to convey it through words), this Christmas I’m going to let go of all the ridiculousness. I’m not going to get mad over stupid stuff, I’m not going to stress over the perfect meal, I’m not going to argue with the husband and I’m not going to let my frustrations or my feelings of inadequacy or my demons through the door. This Christmas I’m going to wear something that’s more comfortable than elegant, I’m going to sit through the meal, and everyone can serve themselves, I’m going to eat my food and enjoy it with no guilt, I’m going to buy part of the meal instead of cooking it myself and I’m not going to care, I’m going to watch the children unwrap the presents that magically appeared in the night and revel in their joy and if there aren’t any pictures of the event, well so be it, living it is more important than photographing it, I’m going to pause for a second and thank God that this year we’re all together for Christmas, cause that certainly isn’t a given. This year I want my Christmas to be simple and guilt, anger and frustration free. This year I’m going to just relax and enjoy it.
Last night, as I was thinking all of this, we were having pizza and ice cream for dinner, and it suddenly struck me what a perfect, comforting, simple meal it is. So that’s what I want this year, I want my Christmas to be just like pizza and ice cream.