start this post with a premise, my Mother is the queen of not giving a shit
about what people think of her. Her own opinion of herself is the only opinion
that matters to her. I respect this about her immensely.
day I got a call from my Mother, which, after a good half-hour of the
parent-child equivalent of talking about the weather, finally got to the point.
Apparently, a few weeks back she was at a party and a friend approached
her and asked her whether I was getting a divorce.
talked to my Mother about any of the upheaval going on in my marriage because,
as has become the refrain whenever I write about the situation, we don’t know
what the hell we’re doing yet. I had received some inquiring calls from friends
and family members but I had done the human equivalent of burying my head in
the sand the “I don’t want to talk about it”. I realize now how ridiculous that
stance was as I was, in fact, writing about it for all the world to read. But
we’re not always rational and as long as I didn’t talk about it, I hadn’t actually shared it, or so my thinking went.
So anyway, you can imagine what the hell kind of position my mother was in at
the party. Surprisingly, she didn’t care about that. She was, however, worried
that by putting things out there on this blog I was fostering gossip and
speculation and not all of it is necessarily kind-hearted.
care in the least if people gossip, she doesn’t care in the least if people
gossip. And yet she worries that people gossip about me, my marriage, and my
personal life. I wish I could say it’s ridiculous, but it’s not. I’m her
daughter. I don’t give a crap if people talk about me, if they’re mean-spirited
towards me, or whatever other negative reaction my talking about my private
life can bring about, but, I would seriously care if people were talking and
gossiping and speculating about my child. And there’s the rub.
maybe I shouldn’t be writing about my marriage on the blog, at least until a
decision was actually made. She’s never had a problem with my blog although she
doesn’t really ever read it because in a weird way she feels like she’s
infringing on my privacy. Even though this blog is public, even though I told
her about it, even though other people read it.And it’s true that I write about private things on here. I choose to.
But, alas, I’m not the only one they impact.
was at a party, on the other side of the world, living her life, and something
I chose to write about myself on this blog impacted her. I don’t know how she
felt, that wasn’t the purpose of her phone call, but I can imagine. One of your
friends comes and tells you that your daughter and her husband are going
through some stuff and are thinking of separating and you know not a single
thing about it. Probably doesn’t feel too good. I can imagine she was flustered
and embarrassed, she probably didn’t know how to react, she had no clue what
that person was talking about. Why on earth did I put her in that position?
ready to talk to my mother about it, because never are things so real to me as when I tell her, but I needed a place to share it, I needed
feedback and support but not from people in my “real life”. Unfortunately,
sometimes there’s a divide that comes between the blogging world and the
physical world. This was mine. I could and wanted to share with my blogging
friends, friends that only know me, that only interact with me, but I wasn’t
and I’m not ready to share some things with people in my life that know and
interact with my family and with each other.
this blog. I’ve put a lot of myself in this blog. This blog helped me work
through and get through much of the husband’s illness, I made good friends
through this blog and I reconnected with many old friends and acquaintances. I
loved all the comments and emails I got from people both in my “real life” and
people I only know through the internet. But I’m shutting it down. I can’t put
my mother, or, though she never said anything to me, my mother in law, or my
husband or anyone else, in the position to be embarrassed, or uncomfortable, or
unhappy by the things I write on here.
being Moomser, so it’s with a heavy heart that I say goodbye. I’m not sure what
I’m going to do, whether I’ll start another, more discreet blog, cause I’m a
little bit addicted to this blogging lark. I also don’t want to lose the
relationships I’ve forged through it, I can pick up the phone and talk to or
email my friends and family, not so much with my blogging friends. So if you
want to keep in touch drop me a line, in the comments or email and I’ll contact
you when I start something back up.
posting a Virtual Coffee post tomorrow, with some news of our day to day goings
on and last pictures, it’ll be my 37th Virtual Coffee, I’m a little
shocked that I kept it up this long! Also, I want to close this blog with a “normal”
post, just a regular Moomser post, it’s more fitting I think.
for now and thank you for going through this journey with me. Moomser.