The first
time I went to the shooting range, my friend gave me some much needed
directions as to what not to do with a gun in your hand, one of the things he
said was “if you’re going to talk to someone behind you or you want to look
around you put the gun down first”. At first I wondered at this seemingly strange
piece of advice, but then the first time I did it I understood his warning,
because though you may think you’re only turning your head you’re actually
turning your torso shoulders and arms right along with it and that’s how you
end up accidently pointing the gun at someone.
Today I
realized how similar shooting and peeing are; or rather, guns and penises in
this analogy. Because the Boy, he never, ever manages to just pee in the toilet. It gets on the seat
(which he invariably forgets to lift up), it gets on the floor, it gets on his
socks and only a marginal amount actually hits the toilet bowl. And today I had
an epiphany, it’s because he isn’t physically able to just pee, he has to fiddle with the flusher, or talk to his sister,
who is, inexplicably, always in there with him, he turns around to see who’s
walking past the open (what else?) door, and his torso, shoulders, arms and
hips go right along with him. Which all just begs the question: why don’t we
just make men pee sitting down?
