In the Zone

Recently I realized something astonishing: deciding I’m going to lose weight, thinking about losing weight, and angrily putting back clothes that don’t fit on their hangers is not actually helping me lose weight. Unbelievable, I know! I first started talking about this in October and again in November, it’s now practically April and I’ve managed to gain two more kilos. So my strategy was a resounding success.

At this point, I gave myself a long hard look (as I was trying to even out my eyebrows, cause honestly, who’s got time to just randomly stare in the mirror?) and decided to go to a nutritionist. Those who have known me for any number of years can now pick themselves up off the ground where they fell in total shock. Because, no matter how delusional I often am, at this point I cannot but face the fact that wishing myself skinny is just not having the desired effect. So, after much coaxing from my pilates instructor I saw the infamous (in Italy) Dr Gigliola Braga. She is basically Italy’s Zone diet Guru. I did not know this at the time I made the appointment. Had I known I never would have made the appointment, cause honestly, The Zone Diet has always freaked me out just a little bit.

But anyway, in my total ignorance I went and met this thoroughly delightful lady, who explained the diet to me so comprehensively and so enthusiastically that I honestly couldn’t wait to go home and start it. This happened Friday. Obviously, I spent the entire weekend drinking soda, eating cookies, croissants and starches, because despite all the talk about how balanced the diet is, even I was not deluded enough to think there would be a lot of chocolate chip cookie days. So Monday comes, and I’m all excited about my new diet. I sit down for breakfast and eagerly grab the list of foods I can eat for my two whole blocks (this is a zone thing, if you don’t know what it is, I envy you greatly!) at breakfast, and panic ensues.

It starts out fine, one 40g slice of whole wheat bread is two block of carbs, my green tea doesn’t count, I can eat a few nuts for the fats, but what the hell do I eat for two whole blocks of protein, in the morning? Oh, right, an egg. Ok all perfect, let me check the quantities again, weigh the slice of bread and off I go for breakfast. But then I’ve got to do it again at lunch, and snack, and dinner, and soon another snack before bed, and OMG this is driving me crazy! The counting, the weighing the endless consultation of the list, so tonight I realized why people lose weight on the Zone, they would just rather not eat than have to figure out what in the hell they’re allowed to eat and in what unholy combination.

I’ve been told it gets easier. At this point, I’m highly motivated to have it work because more than looking decent in a bikini this summer I really, really want to beat the Zone. I want to show the Zone that I can totally figure it out, I can tame it, in fact by the end of the week I will be so totally in the Zone that I will own the Zone.

Finally, a diet that appeals to my competitive side.